oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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