Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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