Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
fuck your aforementioned shoe
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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