i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
