I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
