Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
