My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize