hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
