Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
