I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
