We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
