I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
