I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
