The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
