he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
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