We won't sleep together?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
