you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
