so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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