his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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