I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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