508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
