Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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