he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
