ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
