i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
