And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
so much tequila, so little girl.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
