I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
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come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
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God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.