One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick