my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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