oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.