Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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