So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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