so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
cat food counts as protein by the way
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
