So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
