i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
