the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
