last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
