Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
