Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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