New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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