Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
