Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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