very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
