i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
