I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
