We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
