Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You need Xanax blowdarts
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
