If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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