I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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