So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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