I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
