talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
