and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
