My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
