This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
