I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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