I accidentally had phone sex last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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