hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
