I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
