i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
