you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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