i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
