It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
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It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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