I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
