You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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