i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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