She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
