the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
