he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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