do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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