mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He shit in the fireplace
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
