WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
