VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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