so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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