I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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