Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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