hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
are you so shy because you have an std?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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